Sir!, exclaimed the army's signal officer peering down through a pair of binoculars, "I can see the enemy's force advancing across the plain... twelve armoured cars, with hostile intention, riding furiously in hail of dust... They are ready for battle! And..." The officer glanced at his commander and was surprised to see him smiling.
"I'm not bothered", said the General. "Remember, we have mined their track. Those men will soon come to grief." And, truly, they did.
Pity those soldiers. They would have escaped injuries and death had they known their track was mined. They would have used sweepers to clear the mines to ensure their safe passage before launching out.
Now, your marriage isn't a physical battlefield; so you won't ever have to deal with physical mines. But there is a sense in which a marriage may harbour minefields. Marital minefields are conditions, factors, situations, habits and preferences that may heat up the foundation of a marriage until it eventually 'explodes' in acrimony, separation or divorce.
These marital minefields may not appear threateningly big. In fact, some of them appear like personal weakness or character flaws that are tolerated just to make the union work. But, eventually, they assume dangerous proportions and ignite sparks that kindle the fire of resentment, hatred and rejection. Marriages that break up aren't weights. The problems appear so trivial that the couples don't notice their destructive influence until they start to impact the marriage.
You will save your marriage from these minefields if you mark their presence and take measures (mine sweepers) to get rid of them.
•Pride
Men love to be reverenced; and the Bible commands the wife to reverence her husband. If you ignore this command and treat your husband with contempt, you are simply setting off the minefield of pride and you'll watch your husband explode in resentment and muffled hatred! God also commands the wife to obey her husband in all (godly) things. Thus, if you always want to square it up with him, prove to him that you're wiser and have more knowledge, you're upsetting the divine order. And if you do, your marriage will lose its balance.
Men love to be reverenced; and the Bible commands the wife to reverence her husband. If you ignore this command and treat your husband with contempt, you are simply setting off the minefield of pride and you'll watch your husband explode in resentment and muffled hatred! God also commands the wife to obey her husband in all (godly) things. Thus, if you always want to square it up with him, prove to him that you're wiser and have more knowledge, you're upsetting the divine order. And if you do, your marriage will lose its balance.
•Poor Appearance
This a minefield woman should watch out for. It's common for some women to discount cleanliness and natural beauty after marriage. They assume their husbands wouldn't mind how they look - after all, he is left with no option but to say in the union till death! They look unkempt with repulsive carriage, ageing and fading away for lack of personal care. But men do want them to slow down ageing by giving their body and looks total care. If this isn't done, attraction loses its cutting-edge and desire for intimacy dwindles. You will notice your husband glows with satisfaction and seeks closer intimacy when you appear neat and well-groomed.
This a minefield woman should watch out for. It's common for some women to discount cleanliness and natural beauty after marriage. They assume their husbands wouldn't mind how they look - after all, he is left with no option but to say in the union till death! They look unkempt with repulsive carriage, ageing and fading away for lack of personal care. But men do want them to slow down ageing by giving their body and looks total care. If this isn't done, attraction loses its cutting-edge and desire for intimacy dwindles. You will notice your husband glows with satisfaction and seeks closer intimacy when you appear neat and well-groomed.
•Money
Money can be a martial minefield, especially its management and the quest for more of it. Many couples quarrel over finances. You must talk with your husband and resolve such issues as joint account, recurrent expenditures and investment. If you're both Christians then it's easy to keep one purse and adopt the same pattern of spending and money management. Ensure that you ease up with money and wisely let him watch the mint while you spend the money! Beware of reckless spending and excessive search for money. Someone has written, "Monetary conflicts can wreck a home if we are not careful. Peace will only come with a well thought out programme of finance. Some marriages stay till debts do them part." The love of money, the catastrophe of buying on credit, trying to keep up with the Joneses, robbing God of tithes and offering constitute a marital minefield that all couples must avoid.
Money can be a martial minefield, especially its management and the quest for more of it. Many couples quarrel over finances. You must talk with your husband and resolve such issues as joint account, recurrent expenditures and investment. If you're both Christians then it's easy to keep one purse and adopt the same pattern of spending and money management. Ensure that you ease up with money and wisely let him watch the mint while you spend the money! Beware of reckless spending and excessive search for money. Someone has written, "Monetary conflicts can wreck a home if we are not careful. Peace will only come with a well thought out programme of finance. Some marriages stay till debts do them part." The love of money, the catastrophe of buying on credit, trying to keep up with the Joneses, robbing God of tithes and offering constitute a marital minefield that all couples must avoid.
•Refusal to forgive
A couple, regardless of their perfection and faith, may make mistakes and offend each other. Often, such offences are a result of misunderstanding or misreading of each other's intentions. Sometimes, because of unintentional acts of omission, a spouse is offended. There isn't any means of preventing the occurrence of offences; so, the scripture admonishes us to forgive whenever we're wronged.
The refusal to forgive and forget offences brews tension and provides a seedbed for conflict to grow and multiply. The best of all marriages will collapse under the heavy weight of piles of offences retained in memory and recalled at will.
A couple, regardless of their perfection and faith, may make mistakes and offend each other. Often, such offences are a result of misunderstanding or misreading of each other's intentions. Sometimes, because of unintentional acts of omission, a spouse is offended. There isn't any means of preventing the occurrence of offences; so, the scripture admonishes us to forgive whenever we're wronged.
The refusal to forgive and forget offences brews tension and provides a seedbed for conflict to grow and multiply. The best of all marriages will collapse under the heavy weight of piles of offences retained in memory and recalled at will.
•Poor Communication
Communication is one major thing couples must do to keep the marriage alive and aglow. But most wives aren't mindful of their speech and other communication means such as gesture, posture and tone. You must know how to choose the right words, gesture, posture and tone at critical moments of communication. Failure to do this results in poor communication. Some marriages have been ruined by poor communication involving the use of insults, scornful remarks and angry tones. The Christian woman will save her marriage from the rocks with soft answers to angry questioning, meekly silence and talk less, and avoid communication breakdown. She won't answer a question with another question. She won't flare up or sulk at every correction.
Communication is one major thing couples must do to keep the marriage alive and aglow. But most wives aren't mindful of their speech and other communication means such as gesture, posture and tone. You must know how to choose the right words, gesture, posture and tone at critical moments of communication. Failure to do this results in poor communication. Some marriages have been ruined by poor communication involving the use of insults, scornful remarks and angry tones. The Christian woman will save her marriage from the rocks with soft answers to angry questioning, meekly silence and talk less, and avoid communication breakdown. She won't answer a question with another question. She won't flare up or sulk at every correction.
Other marital minefields are: the presence of extended family relations whose sense of value, convictions and worldwide differ from yours; nagging; lack of appreciation and clash of preferences.
We should watch the minefields and use the sweepers of prayer, purity, politeness, gentleness, meekness, sacrificial love, godly submission, soft words, wisdom, hospitality and purposeful living to clear them away.
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